I would start this off by telling you her name but it's
right there in the title, so I guess I'll start it off by trying to decide what
information about her is pertinent, and what details are superfluous. Or
perhaps I'll just dive in and let you figure that out as you go. The one thing
that I'm absolutely certain of is that when Jean opened that flask, she did not
expect what happened next.
Had she known she was the subject of a story, she might
have had some inclination that it was coming, but until that point in her life,
she had just been one of billions of unremarkable people buying an old dusty
flask at an open-air market in Yemen—c completely keeping with her unremarkableness.
Except that it wasn't.
Back at her hotel she opened the flask and immediately
her breasts swelled to a full C cup and a front row ticket to an Ani DiFranco
show from 2006 stuck out of her front pocket. The opening of the flask wasn't
subject to the fanfare you'd expect given the mythology behind magic lamps and
Genies and such, but be that as it may,
the shimmering Djinn sat in front of Jean just the same ... and he had some
explaining to do.
But first let me fill you in a bit about Jean.
Your first question might be why she was in Yemen. Before
you leap to the conclusion that she was part of a large package tour that was
traveling around the Middle East looking at ancient artifacts and ruins, let me
correct you; she was not. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Jean
would rather have hot lead poured into her eye sockets than be a part of a "package"
anything.
Ok, enough about Jean.
The Djinn looked at her in amazement. Despite the stories
to the contrary, the three wishes granted to anyone who acquires and opens a
flask containing a Djinn doesn't allow them to make them then and there. The
Djinn actually grants the last three wishes the person had made to themselves
before opening the flask.
Hence, the Bigger boobs and concert tickets.
And? Exactly what the Djinn was wondering to himself. He
had never come upon a mortal that had only asked for two things throughout the
course of their lifetime. Jean was remarkable after all.
Of course, Jean didn't know this and sat terrified and
unaware of her larger breasts and the ticket in her pocket. All she was aware
of was this large imposing man in the turban floating in front of her—flesh-colored
for those of you who care about such details.
So, why was Jean in Yemen? She liked to travel despite
the fact that she hated to get in cars or on planes. She would immediately
become all too aware of just how many things needed to go right for a
combustion engine to function or just how many things could go wrong and send
an airplane plummeting into the drink. You would think that the smarter a
person was the more they could take comfort in the technology and the warm
fuzzy math of probability.
Jean did not. Hovercrafts were right out.
This dislike of putting her life into the hands of car
and airplane manufacturers was second only to her dislike of ever having to
meet and converse with one of those workers assembling the aforementioned.
Or the salesmen or accountants who work for the
manufacturer.
Or anyone else for that matter.
To give her the title "loner" was pretty much
spot on—a loner of the highest caliber.So she was alone in Yemen just like
she'd been alone in Switzerland, Japan (among many others) and her home in
Denver, Colorado.
Does this help explain her first two wishes? Probably
not. Well, maybe the Ani DiFranco ticket,
but certainly not the C cup. I'll end the suspense right now, she was 13 when
she made the wish and clearly when you're 13 you don't think 31 flavors will
suffice.
She asked the Djinn for an explanation. She made it clear
that this was a request and in no way should be construed as a wish. He was
under no obligation, magical or otherwise, to answer.
He complied anyway, and in no time at all things were
cleared up between them. The only outstanding issue was her third wish. As the
Djinn had never been in this situation before he was a little unclear on how to
proceed, but Jean felt certain that she was still entitled to a third wish.
After checking with the boys upstairs, and by 'upstairs'
I mean in the parallel universe he originated in and by 'boys' I mean the
collection of angels and demons that reside there, he could find no fault in
her logic and agreed to provide it.
One wish.
Anything she wanted.
Jean went over the ground rules and found out that indeed
a Djinn can twist a wish to make it a bad thing if they so choose. It depended heavily
on the wording of the wish and the disposition of the Djinn. She was careful to
be clear about the former and felt no overt concern about the latter. It
appeared that she had stumbled upon a rather nice Djinn, as Djinns go. She even
asked him his name, but he seemed to bristle at the question, so she let it
drop.
She asked a few questions about eternity and what the
Djinn did in his seemingly abundant free time. She made inquiries about the
difference between magic and science, flying and physics, and, inevitably,
about Barbara Eden and herself.
And that's how a new Djinn came into existence in Yemen.
Again, the story might not have the fanfare you'd expect, but sometimes the
most spectacular things happen in unspectacular fashion.
As for the happily ever after, with a lifespan of less
than a hundred years I don't really think mortals are qualified to answer that.
Author Bio:
Lance Manion is the authorof three short story collections: Merciful Flush, Results May Vary and The Ball Washer.
I like it.
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